Saturday, December 15, 2012

A few thoughts on lights, tinsel, and holly-day music...

I hope they all work!!!
I admit it.
If there was a "Christmasaholalics" (am TOTALLY sure that is not a word) I should be one of the first to attend.  Heck, I most likely could write what it takes to become a member of "Christmasaholalics"!
And I would attend each and every meeting as long as they played holly-day music and handed out candy canes.
Noooooo!! That would NOT/could NOT be permitted would it?  See what I mean? I am beyond help! I guess you could just ship me, with no return address up to the North Pole....

So let's talk about this season and myself.  It is a conflicting one (in my head) to be sure, because (in my head) even though I surround/allow myself to en-JOY all the things that ARE Christmas I also battle some severe depression throughout this jolly holly holiday.  If you have ever seen the movie "Prancer" I AM that little girl who BELIEVES that Prancer is REAL, and that plays her Christmas record up in her room all by herself, (starting in October) and sings "loud and clear for all to hear" carols (with much feeling and very off key).
That is/was me.
I have also taken down (ripped is more like it) paper-chains and snowflakes that took me HOURS AND HOURS to put up...right before Santa's visit.
That is also me.  Go figure.
I bake, (dee-licious baking if I say so myself), make homemade fudge (with a recipe "borrowed" from See's Candies), and then feel guilty about the sugar, the costs, the calories, etc etc.  It's a no win situation (in my head) and each year I attempt to roll through this season of joy (which I truly do love or at least I think I do) without any snowflake meltdowns.
I did not get the love of the music or season from my parents.  And to this day I am not sure why it evokes such strong feelings (good and bad) within my soul.  I guess it is a divine gift (or curse) and most likely if you ask the people who have been around me over the holidays they will call it more of a curse.  Like everything else in my life I tend to "notch it up to eleven" on a one to ten scale.  You might be thinking oh she couldn't be that that I might reply to ask (especially my eldest daughter) what her thoughts are of a mom who organized a Christmas Kazooing Band to march around town, wearing matching sweatshirts that said "Magical Music~Kazoo Music" inviting patrons of a local pub to join in with the singing and kazooing. She was I think twelve going on thirteen...
Oh, and I was wearing my way cool Santa with his reindeer riding on motorcycles boxer shorts to complete my "look".
I scarred her for life.
She won't even play Christmas music.
I am somewhat like Charlie Brown who states: "Actually, Lucy, my trouble is Christmas. I just don't understand it. Instead of feeling happy, I feel sort of let down."
So year after year I research into the whys and wherefores of the season, in an attempt to get a grasp as to why we all do what we do during this season.
Like decorating trees.
Or hanging misteltoe.
Or outside lights.
Or Christmas stockings.
Or what about garland?....
the LIST is endless, AND very deep rooted from what I have read being much deeper than just what we may have experienced (or not) during our childhood.
In the midst of all of this pondering, I DO.  Because when I DON'T it feels much worse than if I DIDN'T.
It's time to string some popcorn and cranberries.


No comments: