Resumes

So what exactly IS a resume? According to the definition in my dictionary it means "a summary". In the quest for gainful employment that summary usually is a one page document of whom you have worked for and how long. It also allows the person for whom the resume is highlighting the opportunity to summarize their key qualifications as well as their education.
Wouldn't it be fun to just "let loose" and write down whatever you wanted without the worries of how it looked on paper?
For instance when one of those dreaded time gaps appears, it would be great to put down what you REALLY did.
Feb 1996-March 1997 Hung out at various relatives and friends houses seeking inner peace and a good tan.
or
May 1995-current Went friggin bonkers at home taking care of the young'uns.
I guess there is no place in the work force for this type of honesty. What if we could answer the application questions with the same type of openess?
Reason for leaving job? The manager/owner/boss was a lunatic!!
Pay that you desire? Enough to get me to Italy at least once a year.
Do you require time and a half for working holidays, weekends or beyond your usual full time hours? No, I do not have a life beyond my work here at "Quickee-Mart" so who needs to make more than minimum wage????
What can you bring to this position? How about you treat me good and I will ditto.